After a joy-filled weekend of sunshine and fun, last night's quick burst of tears startled me. I'd wrapped up a busy day by reading the final chapters of an intense book (Katrina Kittle's Traveling Light). Seven and a half months after loss, sudden grief still sweeps me off my feet, especially with tender triggers like this potent book.
Tuning into vibrant life doesn't exempt us from sadness.
Far from it.
Coming awake after living numb will surely juice up our wild joy . . .
but it also opens the windows of our hearts, shaking loose cobwebs of pain and vulnerability.
I scroll through Facebook, see kindred who ache and grieve and celebrate and begin again. What connects us, we phoenix souls?
Deeply. To our core. Even when we wish we didn't.
Sometimes we (I) choose to numb, to quiet the voice of compassion, to dull the ache of authentic connection. But our constant, under the struggle and also under life's sweeter songs, is love: the ephemeral yet steely bond between us, the grit and grace of opening our hearts wider than we ever thought they could go. To love and lose and love again, because we can imagine life no other way.
Here's a peek at my (mostly) joyful weekend of sunshine and fun, campfire and cloud, cruising wheels and open prairie, dirt and flowers-to-be.
How could a weekend as blissful as this have room for sadness? Because we hold all of this and more, often at the same time.
we are wild hearts and phoenix flame.
We are feelers and thinkers and lovers and doers.
When we choose (again and again) to live full and wide awake, we get wild joy and tumultuous grief and every heartbeat between.
How crucial, then, that we take excellent care of ourselves, body and (phoenix) soul. To press pause and let simple beauty restore our senses. To nourish and tend and water and clear out our muck. To know exactly what energizes us and what depletes us, and make no apology for choosing whatever brightens and lightens.
You are worthy of care.
Dear one, how are you caring for yourself these days? What small, sweet steps can you take toward nourishing your body and soul? I'd love if you would share in the comments: what are you choosing these days that revitalizes you? What drains you?
The real in me honors the real in you.
with love & gratitude,